How to Think Better: The Skill You’ve Never Been Taught
We all think all the time. But we’re not taught how to do it well. When we first learn to speak, we share our thoughts out loud. We are then quickly told what is and isn’t socially appropriately to say. Often, this doesn’t come with a clear explanation, or one we are able to grasp as an infant. Gradually, the things we are told and the experiences we have shape our understanding of how things work. This isn’t always accurate. It’s influenced by the way we make sense of it as individuals. This varies between us all because we all think differently. These thoughts and the stories we develop to make sense of things go on to inform our beliefs and the set of rules we live by.
Layers of Thinking
Many of us don’t consciously know what these rules or beliefs are, or where they have come from. Usually, it’s only when we reach a point of difficulty in our lives that we start to introspect. We may develop an interest in self-help, begin to reflect on our own internal processes, or work with a therapist to build our understanding of ourselves. Through these channels, we may then begin to understand the different layers of thinking – from conscious to unconscious – and start to develop better thinking skills.
Without these skills, it’s no wonder we get caught in vicious cycles of self-doubt, worry and ruminating. And when we find ourselves stuck in these cycles, what do we do? We self-criticise. These are common patterns of thinking that cause us to feel anxious, low and lacking confidence. These unhelpful thinking patterns hold us back from living life to our fullest. None of us want that.
Why Thinking Better Matters
You have thousands of thoughts every day. And these thoughts have a direct influence on your day-to-day experiences. They inform the lens you see things through, and they influence the way you feel. It must then be worth investing in making these thoughts better. The Stoics were telling us this over twenty centuries ago!
How many times has worry kept you awake at night? When you walk away from a conversation, how often do you find yourself replay it in your mind for hours or even days afterwards? How many opportunities have you held back on because of self-doubt?
Most of us can relate to these scenarios, simply because we all think. And thinking can sometimes get us in a muddle! Thinking is so fundamental to our day-to-day existence and our wellbeing. Why should we wait until we feel rubbish or find ourselves struggling before we learn how to think better? Imagine what it would be like if you had a better understanding of your own thoughts and belief systems. Think how significantly your life would change if you knew how to spot and challenge negative thoughts, how to flip from self-doubt to confidence, self-criticism to self-compassion, worry to opportunity.
How Can we Learn to Think Better?
We already know that we are not routinely taught about thinking. Everything I know has come from years of study and clinical experience in the field of mental health. I firmly believe that this is stuff we should all know. This played a huge role in my decision to set up my practice, Brighter Minds, and find different ways to share this information. There is far to much to cover in one blog so I’m going to keep things simple and focus on two things – the role of self-awareness and the concept of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy.
Self-Awareness
Modern life moves fast. We are often overwhelmed and overstimulated. We rush around from one thing to the next, power through on autopilot, or find ourselves distracted by half a dozen devices all at once. All of this external noise can get in the way of us feeling connected with ourselves. We can know that we don’t like the way we are feeling or that we’d like things to be different but may struggle to pinpoint what or why.
Self-awareness is key to all personal development and wellbeing. We cannot change how we feel if we do not know how we feel in the first place. We cannot change our perspective and our unhelpful thinking patterns if we don’t know what our thoughts are.
Ways to Build Self-Awareness
We can build our self-awareness by taking time our regularly to self-reflect. This doesn’t have to be lengthy or time-consuming. Even a couple of minutes to pause and check in on how we feel can make a world of difference.
Journaling can be another great way to get our thoughts out onto a page to bring more awareness to them. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve scribbled down a ‘brain dump’ to then look at the page and see things with a completely different perspective!
Mindfulness is the practice of focusing on the present moment and noticing what you experience. To become more mindful of your thoughts, take a few minutes to sit still and simply notice your thoughts as they arise. The aim isn’t to stop the thoughts, change them or judge them, but to bring awareness to them.
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) is a form of psychotherapy and it is the clinically recommended treatment for common mental health problems, such as anxiety and depression. As it says on the tin, it focuses on cognitions (what we think) and behaviour (what we do). How does it work? By helping you spot and break unhelpful patterns of thinking and behaving, and replacing them with more helpful ones. What drives our behaviour? Our thoughts.
The predominant use of CBT is for the clinical treatment of mental health difficulties. It is usually delivered on a 1:1 basis but may also be delivered in a group. My personal approach to CBT is not only to treat mental illness but to promote mental health and wellbeing. We know that changing our thinking can help with recovery from mental illness. It makes sense to me that these same tools can play an important role in supporting general wellbeing and even preventing mental health difficulties.
Become a Better Thinker
As a CBT Therapist, I help people change their thinking in my clinical work every day. That’s a given. But I also use the same strategies myself and have experienced the transformation first hand. I see these techniques working for others, and I feel them working for myself.
We can transform the way we feel by changing the way we think. But we need to know how. If you are ready to learn these skills, sign up for my ‘How to Think Better’ subscription. You’ll receive simple but effective mindset shifting strategies straight to your inbox every week.
